Yeah.
What came out of it was this
incredible sense of self-doubt. I was amongst twitter-pros, blogging
giants, women with experience, know-how, and followings greater than
my own. Women who not only maintain a blog but write books as well...
and raise a family.
I felt defeated, miniscule, silly, like
the 7th grade girl in the bathroom whose nightly prayer is
for boobs and a period amongst girls all complaining about their
times of the month and their bra straps. I am clueless, but so desperately want to be
in the know. (Side note: Why, why, Amanda, did you pray so fervently for those
things? Ha!)
Have you ever been there? You have a
God-given dream in your heart and desire to pursue it. You pray, you
fast, you step out... and then you find others with a similar dream
doing what you want to do and doing it 100x's better. You can't help
but look at them and wonder what in the world you are doing here. And maybe you even go so far as to wonder why God didn't give you the same measure of talent and overall awesomeness.
The day after the Twitter party, I made
the blessed mistake of leaving my Bible within the reach of my son...
the son with lightening fast reflexes who can clear a side table with
the swipe of one arm. I came running as I saw the boy reach for the
Bible, and by the time I got to him he had already made quick work of
three pages.
As I was putting the torn pages back
into the Bible, my notes in the margins from ages past struck me. Big time.
God talked to me in my mess.
So let me give you a frame of reference
for the notes:
Saul was the current and anointed King
of Israel, but because he was disobedient God had appointed a new
king to take his place, David. In this passage, David is running for
his life from Saul who wants to kill him. My little revelations are
from how David conducts himself when he finds Saul (who wants to KILL
him, mind you) unarmed and completely helpless on two different
occasions. Instead of killing Saul, David attempts to prove to Saul
that he means no harm.
1 Samuel 24:6 “So [David] said to his
men, 'Far be it from me because of the Lord that I should do this
thing to [Saul], the Lord's anointed, to stretch out my hand against
him, since he is the Lord's anointed'.”
my
notes: It even bothered David to cut a piece of robe off of
the one who was trying to kill him. David allowed God, who anointed
them both, to be God.
David led by following God. He was
NOT a man-pleaser. He didn't do what his men encouraged him to do...
he sought God. Followed God.
1 Samuel 26:9 “But David said to
Abishai, 'Do not destroy him, for who can stretch out his hand
against the Lord's anointed and be without guilt?' David also said
'As surely as the Lord lives, surely the Lord will strike him, or his
day will come that he dies, or he will go down in battle and
perish'.”
my notes: Once again, DAVID
ABSOLUTELY TRUSTS GOD. Be patient, honor God's way.
David knew that he was anointed to be
King... that God had a plan and a purpose for his life. And David
trusted God enough to bring it to pass.
In the pursuit of my dreams I have
gotten worried
-that I am not enough
-that others are better than me
-that I don't know enough
-that I need to go about everything a
better way
Comparison.
It's like the track runner who looks
into the lane of his competitor and begins to accidentally step over
into the other lane. A sprinter has to keep his eyes focused forward so that
his foot-steps are sure. A sprinter has to run his own race... in his own lane.
Ultimately, comparison will
dis-qualify you from your God-dream. And reminder: it is God who
does the qualifying in the first place.
David knew that God had chosen him to
be king. He knew that Saul was still king. He knew he had to wait. He
knew that God was going to work it out. He knew that he could trust
God.
And there it is.
He knew that he could trust God.
He could trust God to destroy his enemy
(by the way in case you are following the parallel of my circumstance
or even yours... other women bloggers are not my enemies. Those with
similar dreams are not your enemies. But if there is an obstacle,
know that God will see you through it).
Three
things to learn from David about God-given dreams:
David knew that he could trust God's
word for his life. He was called. Anointed. He never questions
this.
David knew that he could trust God's
timing. David might have wanted it to be time, instead of running
for his life. But he waited. He didn't try to rush God. Be patient and honor God's Way.
David knew that he could trust that
all the waiting was full of purpose and just as important as the
dream itself. David grew so much in that time of running for his
life. He might not have seen it at the time, but he became a
sure-footed, strong leader who trusted God fully. Also, during this
time God gave David allies in his hiding places, a smoking hot wife
named Abigail, children, and mighty and faithful men whose loyalty and friendship stayed with him during
his reign as King. This time of my life may not be the most productive in terms of writing and pursuing the God dreams in my heart... but they are important, wonderful, purposeful, needful... and who am I anyways to determine what productive is? Is it not a God-dream that I pursue? This husband, these kids, this home, all that I am here and now IS the dream, don't miss it by looking at what other people are doing with their lives. Different people. Different times of their lives. Enjoy the NOW. Live in the NOW. Thrive in the NOW.
And Trust God.
No really, Amanda, TRUST GOD.
Run YOUR race. Be the woman you were
called to be. Trust God, His Word and His timing. Know that HE will
make a way.
I've got a post, maybe a couple, in the
works about pursuing dreams... somethings God has totally downloaded
into this brain. If you want to know how to pursue your dreams, do
return!
Amanda
5 comments:
Awesome post, Amanda! Very timely, too. Waiting is so hard, but necessary for our growth, and increased faith. Comparisons DO kill dreams (or at least, make you very grumpy!)...thanks for the encouragement. Loved the Jr. High moment!
xo
We are the body of Christ ( with a zillion parts ) & each one of us is uniquely designed by God to function individually but uniformly as a whole. Again, I am in awe of our Creator! Comparison is generally from the enemy as I can't think of any good that comes from it other than being inspired by another's good example. Thanks for sharing,in Jesus, Cynthia
I can totally relate. I can easily get caught up in the "how" to blog effectively rather than remembering the "why" I want to blog effectively. Thanks for sharing.
Visiting from WLW.
Megan
Yep, comparison is a beast. Its just human to go there, even when we know better. Thank you for an encouraging post!
Awesome words. Awesome. Thank you.
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