Katie
- You Rock! I haven't read the book either, but it seems like a great one. I'm thankful for a certain 2 year old running around the house at 7:30 screaming "Morning Daddy! Morning Bru-Bru!" Too cute...
And now for today's post: It's not a "Made Monday" because, to be quite honest, I haven't had time for recipe experiments or crafts lately. I don't want to post something just to post something. But I have had a whole lot of inspiration going on in the way of encouragement. It's time to start posting them.
So, here it is:
I got a word for you that I have been thinking on a lot lately.
Capacity.
I have a BA in English. I graduated with honors. I taught 5th and 6th grade for 2 years. I left my teaching post and worked part-time as a substitute so I could pursue full-time ministry. I was a children's pastor for 5 years. I led a thriving midweek program that reached out to kids in the community. I mentored up-and-coming leaders in the church and helped run an intern program. I was important.
I am now a stay-at-home mom. My big accomplishments are when I manage to get the laundry cleaned, folded and put away on the same day or when I get my husband fed and out the door on time for college. My days consist of cleaning juice spills, picking up toys only to pick them up all over again, answering the constant cry for more... more snuggles, more milk, more attention, more snacks. I rarely wear make-up anymore.
It's been my dream for as long as I can remember to raise children and to stay home with them. I wouldn't have it any other way. BUT... It's an almost thankless job. My great passion in life has nothing to do with cleaning toilets, picking up toys, folding laundry, meal planning or grocery shopping, yet that's how I spend most of my days. I led children to Christ on a weekly basis, I ran a thriving ministry, I was "on top of things," I raised up leaders, I was important! And now I cook, clean, wipe dirty bottoms, remind a little girl to put her toys away, and somehow find time to write a little.
I have a feeling I am not the only one who's ever felt like this.
So here's where the word capacity comes in.
You are still you. Your talents haven't changed, though you can probably add "able to feed a baby, dice your preschooler's food, and get food into your own mouth all at the same time" to your list of talents. Your call hasn't changed either, though it now entails motherhood.
Who you are and what you were made for hasn't changed.
It's been added to.
And because of that, your capacity has changed.
Every person has a fire-marshall required sign posted over their abilities.
God is that Fire Marshall who determined long ago what your capacity would be. Everyone came with a unique capacity (so don't compare). And each person came with a maximum capacity (so don't overload yourself). You can only do so much. And when you enter into motherhood, you are adding more weight to your metaphorical elevator. You may have to let some things off the elevator.
As your kids get older and more independent, they will get "lighter" and your capacity will increase. (Though I think it should be important to note, they will be seasons in your life that are "weightier" and will shift your capacity).
So, when you are up to your eyeballs in mundane laundry to fold; when your are tired of your constant nagging to lift the lid and aim straight, to pick up the toys, to eat the vegetables, to do the homework; when you feel seriously under-appreciated and not so very important... know you are doing the most important job in the world. And you are still you. And your capacity to do the other things will return.
So, if I follow with my analogy, there is a certain order to what takes up our capacity:
1. God (Time with Him. You were made for relationship with him.)
2. Husband (You want your marriage to last through the crazy child-raising years, keep him before your kids. This may mean, putting a baby safely in the crib, a movie on for the kiddos, and locking the bedroom door for a short while.)
3. Children
4. Your Job (If you stay home, this is your job)
5. You! (Time to yourself, time for soul refreshing... i.e. friendship)
6. Your Ministry (This is often the thing that you most enjoy and is definitely not limited to something inside of church. For me, THIS is it. It may even be the job you left to start a family.)
It is important to know, the weight of each of the items on the list is in a constant flux and there is often a fluidity to their order... like keeping up your house is actually a way of serving your husband and children. I am finding that for whatever reason, I am starved for friendship so I am currently adding more weight to that item. You can best love your children when you are at your best, so sometimes you need to add weight to the things that refresh you. This list is not exact or perfect, but it definitely helps me keep the most important things, the most important things.
And here's the thing I learned from doing children's ministry for 5 years: I could build a team of teenagers and young adults. I could bring in bouncers and games and slime and water fights. I could put together the most interactive lesson that eloquently broke down the deep things of God for a child. I could lead children in the sinner's prayer. But I could never be the most important influence in a child's life. That's YOU. YOU have THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB. YOU have the greatest impact on your child. You might feel under-appreciated, insignificant, and like you used to do important things that mattered. That couldn't be farther from the truth.
You have the most important job. Right now.
And...
It's time for me to hop to that important job. Right now.
Wishing you wonderful weeks!
Amanda
I would love to hear from you! Do you ever feel this way? How do you deal with it?
7 comments:
I feel this way a lot. I work outside the home part time, but feel like I have all the responsibilities of a stay at home mom too. I feel like I am not appreciated for all that I do outside and inside the home - that I am just a worker in my home. I don't get husband time. I don't get me time. I hardly ever get God time. I try to be the best me that God made me to be but I fail so frequently.It's like a never ending battle. I want to be a good example for my children so I admit my mistakes. Sometimes I think I make too many mistakes. I think I am rambling now, but I get where you are coming from Amanda. Thanks for sharing.
Kerri- So great to hear from a working mom. I know my time is precious, but I would imagine for a working mom, time is even more precious. I know for me, I am learning the art of bring God into all things. It's less about sacred and set apart time, though that would be nice, and more an on-going conversation with God as I go through my day. I know, sometimes, I feel like I have to choose the lesser of two evils to get time with Mike, we need time together, it's better for our kids for us to have a strong marriage, so that may mean squeezing out sitter money, leaving Jed crying in the crib for a little bit, or us having a date even though I know Addy could really use time with her dad. It's tough! Sometimes it feels like motherhood is a giant balancing act. I feel like I make lots of mistakes too.
Thanks for this post, so very encouraging. Mine are teens now, but when they were younger I felt exhausted and yes, non-appreciated. But I left the workplace (21 years) to stay at home, and I've never regretted that. I do sometimes wish I was the one going on a short-term mission but then remember I'm on a long-term mission ... right in my own home. Hugs ~ Mary
This is just fabulous! My DH and I have struggled for 8 years to have children and went through a year of foster care. WAS NOT FOR ME. It is so nice to know that GOD is in charge of my life and that HE knows what my capacity is! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your life with us all!!! :)
So true. We had six children.
Three of them are still at home, ages 10-17. I am also a teacher, so my day is hemmed in by children. I have learned to focus on the person in front of me. I try to leave school at school and devote myself to my family when I am there. I save work related things that I need to finish for when the kids are in bed. It is a balancing act.
Thank you for this post! I couldn't have said it any better. You hit the nail on the head! Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Your post reminded me of a C.H. Spurgeon devotional I read yesterday. It is a little long and I hope you don't mind such a long comment.
What Is Your Calling
Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called.
1 Corinthians 7:20
Some people have the foolish notion that the only way in which they can live for God is by becoming pastors, missionaries, or Bible teachers. How many would be excluded from any opportunity of spiritual usefulness if this were the case. Beloved, it is not office—it is sincerity; it is not position—it is grace that will enable us to serve and glorify God. God is definitely glorified at the workbench, where the godly worker fulfills his task singing of the Savior's love. In this humble setting God is glorified far more than in many a lofty pulpit where official religion performs its scanty duties. The name of Jesus is glorified by the taxicab driver as he blesses God and speaks to his passengers of the living hope. He will be more useful than the popular preacher who goes about peddling the Gospel for profit. God is glorified when we serve Him in our proper vocations.
Take care, dear reader, that you do not neglect the path of duty by leaving your occupation, and take care you do not dishonor your profession while in it. Think little of yourselves, but do not think too little of your callings. Every lawful trade may be sanctified by the Gospel to noblest ends. Turn to the Bible, and you will find the most menial forms of labor connected either with most daring deeds of faith or with persons whose lives have been illustrations of holiness.
Therefore do not be discontented with your calling. Whatever God has made your position or your work, remain in that, unless you are quite sure that He calls you to something else. Let your first concern be to glorify God to the best of your ability where you are. Fill your present sphere to His praise, and if He needs you in another, He will show it to you. This evening lay aside anxious ambition, and embrace peaceful content.
Thank you for sharing your post on Think on These Things :)
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