See, I love being a mom. It’s been a dream of mine dating back to dollies and tea parties. And more than a dream, I love those two children that came with the dream so much more than the fulfillment of the dream. I love their big personalities, their small hands, their mispronunciations (like how my daughter calls granola bars “tuna bars”) their “rub-it-in-and-keep-it-forever” slobber kisses, reading stories, mischievous grins, holding their eyes in my gaze and the way they are so happy to look back into my eyes, “Stacks on mom and dad!”… I love my kids!
But sometimes I live tired. Between the disciplining, the diaper changes, the spills in the carpet, the packing up 2 small children and the diaper bag and carrying it to the car, the housekeeping, the cooking, the grocery shopping, the relentless whiney questions, the ignored instructions, and the way I feel I will never be able to shower or pee by myself again… this woman feels like her life has come to a grinding halt. There might be dreams in my heart beyond being a parent, but with only 24 hours in a day and small children that take up most of those hours, it’s just simply not time to pursue those dreams.
Last month, I spent an hour in a waiting room at my son’s pediatrician’s office—an hour of feeling my calm resolve deplete as I pulled Addy off the magazine table, followed Jed around the waiting room, took Addy to the bathroom, worried over the germs my kids might be touching, tried to keep them both happy and occupied… When the nurse at long last called our name, the “Hallelujah” chorus rang through my mind. We survived the wait! Then, she took Jed’s temperature, checked his measurements, and placed us in a room to wait for the doctor for another 45 minutes—a room with a swivel chair, an expensive computer, zero toys, and no Disney movie. Our wait was not over; it may have even gotten worse. I still needed my already-depleted calm resolve as I continued to wait with 2 active, small kids.
In this life, at some point or another, you will feel like you are waiting.
And, let’s face it, you probably struggle with not liking the wait too.
There are all sorts of things that can make you feel like you are waiting: a desperate and seemingly hopeless search for Mr. Right, attending a schooling program so you can get a good job, a super slow do-they-really-want-to-fill-that-position?! hiring process, a frustrating home-buying experience, a month-to-month stare at a pee-stick wishing a plus sign would appear, a financial “drought,” an illness, recovery from an illness, a deep period of grief and loss, or “life just happening” unexpectedly. And that doesn’t include the little “waits,” you know, the waiting in long lines, waiting in doctor’s offices, waiting in dmv’s, waiting for test results, waiting for a reply… We do a whole lot of waiting in this life.
I look back to my life before kids and all that I was able to accomplish. I look at the titles I wore, the verbal appreciation, the way I worked hard and had something to show for it. As much as I love being a mom, I miss all that stuff. I feel unappreciated. I feel frustrated with the way that I clean while my kids make a different mess. The messes never stop. And I think I accomplish nothing. I have been struggling.
But I am also a relentless question asker (and I wonder where my daughter gets it from?!) I have been asking God how to live here and now. FULLY live here and now. How to not JUST survive. Because I have a feeling that even though I feel like I am waiting for my life to begin again, I am living life. I don’t want to miss it. I don’t want to live it poorly. I don’t want to squander the years of my children’s small preciousness because I am discontent, because I feel like I am waiting. For my sake, their sake, for my husband’s sake, I need God’s help!
Fortunately, God’s been talking to me. I’ve been writing it down.
See, God wants to do BIG things in our lives and hearts when we are living in those seasons where we feel like we are waiting.
Waiting is so FULL of purpose.
I want to know what the purpose of NOW is. I want to fulfill my purpose, my “for such a time as this.” And I want to be content with it. Joy FULL when it feels like my dreams are paused because, really, I AM living right now, and I can be living FULL of Joy.
It feels a little crazy to be admitting all of this. But I know I am not the only one.
I hear the struggle when I talk to my friends that have young children. I hear the struggle when I talk to someone heading into a major surgery that means a long recovery. I hear the struggle when a woman has spent over a year trying to get pregnant and a lifetime wanting to bring life into this world.
How do I trust God when I don’t see my dreams happening?
We are going there for the entire month of September. God has been speaking to me, answering these questions and I feel compelled to share it with you. This is an ongoing conversation. I have not fully arrived, and while I would normally say one should not attempt to share from where they are still struggling, I just feel this stirring that I can’t shake. It’s too important for me, for you, to learn how to trust God here and now with everything. Who wants to squander the one life they have to live? Miss the purposes they were created for? I feel weighed down with a message that I have to share. And because I have not arrived, perhaps we can help each other get there??
If this pricks at you, even a little bit, consider coming back every Tuesday and Thursday for the month of September. I have seven nuggets to share with you, plus, I even have a guest post (my first ever guest post! From someone I think you will adore and whose words will encourage you!) I [most likely] will be putting all other posts on hold for the month of September. If you just like my recipes and projects or my gift counting pictures, don’t worry, they should resume after September.
Could I also challenge you to join me (US!—all the conquering housewives) on facebook? (<---a place I love to conversate.) I need you, we need you, and, perhaps, you need us. Let’s encourage each other together!
Let’s learn how to FULLY live!
Let’s ENJOY the waiting room we might feel we are in! (Maybe even change our perspective??)
Let’s get that “Insight and Encouragement for the Seasons of Waiting”
Looking forward to learning with you!
Might I humbly ask you to invite your friends if you feel so compelled? A facebook share? A tweet? Or maybe even grab a button?
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